he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
