you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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