Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
