A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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