I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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