I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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