break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
