i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
