Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
