I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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