He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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