marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
