The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
