no, he came in my armpit
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
