Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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