turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
