Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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