I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
