I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
