this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
