we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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