We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
