i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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