if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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