Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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