He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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