And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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