Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
