I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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