I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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