O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
