my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
