Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
