What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize