wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
