Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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