Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
