hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
