I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
