New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
