it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
