batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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