Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
