ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
