6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
