I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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