Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
