You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize