Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
