The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Randomize
