Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
