Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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