i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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