drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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