i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize