I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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