Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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