If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Who died my cat blue again?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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