coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
