There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
