Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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