he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I am available for nakedness
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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