He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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