My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize