apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
