Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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